I believe the truth matters. And without it, relationships cannot succeed in the long term.
With many public figures lying these days so freely, seemingly without any hesitation or remorse, it is easy at times to wonder if truth holds any importance at all. It depends on what kind of relationship you are looking for.
Do you want a soul connection and to experience the profound joy of being known and loved by your partner? THEN TRUTH IS A MUST. In my opinion, this is the only path to this heavenly place!
If you are like me, a connection junkie, and you thrive when you have deep conversations with your partner, sharing each other’s perceptions honestly (even if they are hard to hear), then stay with me, we will have fun exploring the power of truth together!
I believe that few things are as liberating as the truth is. I would always rather want to hear a difficult truth than a lie because it opens up the possibility of connection and love. Longterm, you will often be better off telling the truth.
Here are some guidelines on how to implement a practice of truthfulness in your relationship:
1. Nothing is too hard to communicate.
When you learn to trust and tell the difficult truths in a relationship you can be yourself in that relationship. If you can’t be yourself, you can’t possibly go deeper into the relationship. It’s the deep relationships that fulfill us and bring deep joy.
If you want help communicating difficult truths to your partner, I suggest you check out my blog on ”How to Communicate Effectively to Increase Connection and Intimacy”.
2. Stress-free relationships.
Truth-telling means that you don’t have to worry about being caught in your lies. You can feel at ease, living your life in a carefree manner, without the burden of wondering when the lie will come to light. Or, wondering how it will impact your life and the ones you love.
3. Truth makes you feel good about yourself.
Most of us don’t want to be lied to, so when we lie to others, the part of us who is in touch with our values feels bad about our behavior. We have the best quality of life when we act in accordance with our values.
Dr. Orison Swett Marden was an American inspirational author in the 19th century and said, “You will always have to live with yourself, and it is to your best interest to see that you have good company – a clean, pure, straight, honest, generous, magnanimous companion”. That still seems solid advice to me.
4. Truth-telling leads to respect.
Your partner will respect you over time for telling the truth and it will create safety in your relationship. And, you being truthful will most likely also create respect for yourself within you and create inner contentment that makes you feel good about your choices.
5. Truth is good for our health.
We are hardwired for truth and lying leads to a stress response. That’s why we have lie detectors, they measure the stress response in our body when we lie. It is detrimental to your health to lie, whereas the truth is a health enhancer.
6. Truth-telling allows us to learn life lessons.
As long as you pour your energy into covering up your mistake, you are not taking responsibility, which in turn will not allow you to learn important life lessons. Telling the truth and owning your mistakes is the quickest way to self-growth and maturity.
7. Truth-telling increases humanity in our world.
All of us long to be treated humanely, with respect, and kindness. Being truthful to each other is one expression of that, it is one way we can choose to make this world a better place for others and ourselves. It is based on a notion of mutual respect. It is a concrete step you can take to be an agent of positive change.
When observing our culture through media, it would be easy for me to come to the conclusion that our world is becoming more self-serving and egocentric.
However, working with my clients allows me to see deeper. I have observed again and again that any self-serving tendencies are only defensive mechanisms, resulting from pain and disappointment, an often unconscious attempt to avoid getting close to others in order to not get hurt again.
Deep down, we are all just doing our best with what we know, trying to get a place in the sun. We are all fragile and beautiful. Some of us are just misguided on how to get there and have not learned the right strategies yet.
All of us long for intimacy and are terrified of intimacy at the same time because that is where we got hurt the most in the past. Bliss for us humans is to know each other intimately and to accept and love each other in the process. If you dare to go on that amazing journey, truth-speaking will be the door to this promised land.
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